Did you know the Canadians call flip-flops, flip-flops? In Australia, we call them thongs. You’d be surprise they were actually women g-strings over there.

I overheard an Australian bloke unravelling his first Canadian trip last year in a bus. You could sense his tone of excitement when he told the story to this other dude beside him about thongs. Just wondering why no one told him that.

This was his story:

I had this conversation with this bloke at the side of the street and he said “Young man, why don’t you come over here, you could see a thong”.

I was surprise at how he could get so interested in a pair of lesser-straps sandles. ‘Whoopee doo,’ I responded. “Why the hell you looking at her thong for?”, I was curious.

He was puzzled to see why I wasn’t remotely interested at the sight of women underwear. He then said that they were sticking out at the top of her jeans.

“The thong was sticking out at the top of her jeans?” At that moment I paused in an attempt to picture a pair of sandles sticking out of a woman’s jeans. Curious, I asked, “What’s the freakin’ thong doing sticking out of her jeans?”

The bloke was becoming a little irritated when I kept on going with the questions. “Look, if you look carefully, you could seriously see her thong.”

“Err… well then she must have loose jeans on. Boy, now where’s the other one?”

“The other what?”

“Thongs, mate! They always come in twos.”

He frowned. “Dude, what do you know about thongs?”

“Well, I wear ‘em.”

By now his eyes were widened by the astounding words that just came out of my mouth. “What the fff..,” he struggled to hold back the last word, to which I assumed was ‘fuck’. “Do you?”

“Yea, mate. What’s wrong?”

“When?”

“When I’m feeling hot.”

Have you ever walked out of an hour long shower feeling like you’ve missed a spot around the belly area you spilled ketchup on during lunch with Fat Suzie? - I don’t blame you.

I have noticed while showering, the areas we spent most of our time scrubbing aren’t the necessary areas that require the extra attention. For the most of us, we spend an awful large amount of time scrubbing the mid-chest area, leaving out the more important areas like say, the feet. Well, nobody really has alot of dirt there. (Look, if you’re from construction and going bare is the way to win the boys - I hear you, man!)

Let’s face it: we scrub there because it’s easy. Convenient. By doing that, we feel the chances of at least, a headjob, from the girlfriend (in Carson Kressley’s case, boyfriend) increases tonight because we actually did some serious scrubbing in the shower. There goes thirty minutes of needless scrubbing.

Your feet, which deserved more attention, on the other hand, gets nothing. Admit it. Please. They haven’t been scrubbed since disco died. It’s just too far down, you thought. It just ain’t worth the effort. Hey, it’s dripped clean!

Ironically some areas do get the extra attention, not because they’re that convenient; it’s just pleasurable cleaning them.