“The most successful marriages are based on lies”. Dr. Gregory House, M.D. [Season 1 Episode 4].

And he is right.

Living a completely honest life with the people you love would only happen if you are staying in a convent where everyone’s wearing the same set of clothes everyday, having full knowledge of the absence of a possibility to meet someone remotely beautiful in the eyes of a normal human being.

It is almost difficult not to lie in a relationship (marriage, de facto or whatever you kids call it these days). I was accused of fantasizing about having Jennifer Aniston on top of me while I was doing an ex-woman many years back. For that, I was sworn to no women (not men, though I wish it was the other way round) for 5 years. That explained the reason why my cheesy pickup lines don’t work anymore. Until last weekend.

How does one behave after she cheats in a marriage? She would first treat her husband with the more attention he deserved. Obvious signs include kinkier sex with the handcuffs and nurse outfit, some tedious traditional home-cooked food only grandparents would make for their grandsons, served along with a bottle of 2001′ s finest Shafer Hillside Select Stags Leap District Cabernet Sauvignon. Frequency of conversation (e.g. daily rants) might decrease to a halt. You would think you’ve won the best side of the deal, but in fact, you’ve just stepped yourself in shit.

How does one behave after he cheats in a marriage? Nothing significant, really. He comes back home from “work”, tosses a kiss into the lips of his wife, tugs the boys and girls in before going to bed. No after-hours “dessert”. This routine goes on for months (and sometimes years) until the missus manages to sniff cheap perfume off his shirt or lipstick stain on his white Calvin Klein undies. And guess what? He carries on denying until he could not take the constant nagging and phone surveillance and no-sex policy any longer. And that was how Brad came clean with the media that he decided to take on Angelina and leave Jennifer to me.

“Men are pigs. They will pretty much have sex with anyone - fat, skinny, married, single, complete strangers, relatives”, so said the master again, Dr. Gregory House, M.D. [Season 1 Episode 16].

You know, cheating happens everyday and we do not even know it. It begins the moment we step out of the house. You rush into the car to speed off to work, hoping to catch up with Luscious Lips Sarah, The Boss’ Secretary while she’s sipping her morning coffee at the pantry; while on your way, your jaw dropped when one of the five gorgeous pedestrian babes clad in the World’s Skimpiest Bikini blow you a kiss while crossing the road right in front of your Subaru Liberty 3.0R spec.B; and all you could ever do is drop your pants and quietly wishing they would hitch a ride from you while Luscious Lips Sarah’s giving you a blowjob.

On the way home, Ms. Daisy Dukes had car trouble and you decided to give her a lift home. She invited you in for coffee. You declined gracefully. (”I wish I wasn’t married; I would give you the best fuck you ever had in your life“, you thought. Quietly.) Before she got down, your lips magically touched hers for 20 seconds. And that was history.

You got home.

Husband: Honey, I’m home.
Wife: How was your day?
Husband: (pecks her cheeks) Bosses were all over me this afternoon. Not too good a day. But it ended well.
Wife: Really? You impressed them, didn’t you?
Husband: (fumbles) Yes, I guess I did.

… and that was the last of it. No Luscious Lips Sarah. No Bikini Babes. No Daisy Dukes.

Remember, “truth begins in lies” [Season 1 Episode 1].