For all my brothers and sisters who have never got drunk before, here’s what it’s like:

1. You can’t control yourself. Your true self reveals itself.

2. You’re extraordinary friendly to everyone (especially strangers); you’d meet fellow clubbers who are just as friendly as you.

4. You forgot Number 3.

5. Your head’s spinning clockwise, but the world doesn’t.

6. Sleepy.

7. You would have the guts to do the stuff you wouldn’t dare to do, like talking to the hot bartender and slipping your business card under the $10 note when you pay her for the shot of tequila you ordered.

8. You’ll have the tendency to kiss other men. Be very careful.

8. You’d be wondering why on earth you have Number 8 again; but wouldn’t care why.

9. Zzzzz. Good night, Brisbane. 

“I watch porn“.

There. I’ve said it.

I have a thing for porn from the Oriental - Japan, in fact.

There goes my last scrap of dignity.

Let’s face it, men. You have an obsession for J-Porn because their girls are hot. Pretty face. Great rack. And the trademarked Nippon-made high-pitched moans that could turn any Viagra-dependent man (i.e. white dudes, black brothers, yellow man, brownies, blue) into a top-rated pervert.

However, I beg to differ.

The true reason behind the success of J-Porn around the world lies in its profound rarity - the rare existence of grotesquely short-length penises. Noticed the mosaic filters you often see in every J-Porn movies ever made? They are there to shield the international viewers from the realities of Japan-made penises. Boy, you’d be crushed if you were expecting a Pontiac but ended up just with a… Honda.

Hey, it’s not just a Honda - it’s a small one that outperforms every engine of its price range!

Here’s some food for thought.

A Keith I once knew in high school came to this conclusion: a man’s ability to perform at work is attributed to the length of his penis. Does that explain why our Japanese brothers can put up with 20 hours a day at work and yet not fret, while the rest of us are already on a verge of popping a Valium?