Borders has always been a great place to hang out if you are in search for great looking but still well-behaved women (in today’s language among men, “non-bitches”). Books with great authors are hard to find these days, forcing the load on publishers to design their covers that scream “READ ME!!”. Particularly this one in their “Recommended Reads” section: Maureen Dowd’s rethorical Are Men Necessary?
The professional reviewers hated it. The civilians at Amazon too, weren’t impressed and couldn’t wait to have it thrown away for as low as $1.00 . How often does this happen? (Generally, movies with great professional reviews are often made for cinema-goers who have sleeping problems. I’ll be honest with you. I dozed off in the midst of Russell Crowe’s award winning performance in A Beautiful Mind. Admit it. You did too!) The abysmal reviews prove that women are often stupid enough to write such books, with the hope of empowering all women of the world together to bring us men down.
Stick with Oprah. Please.
You have been/are/will always be living in a world of men. We rule by number and by power. We multiply by spreading our seeds to every women and our wives. Some enjoy the subtle delicacies of doing their own aunts, sisters and cousins, while a minority are trying out dogs, horses and goats in the hope of building an army fleet with greater degree of power and killer looks.
The highly sophisticated designs in modern flesh-like sex toys with warm sensational lubes and successful studies on the techniques of touching ourselves have all brought enlightenment to this million-dollar predicament we have all been wanting to solve once and for all: Do We Really Need Women?
This article attempts to highlight the gap men and women have that will never get filled in the least humorous way possible. Don’t be a woman and call the cops. They have already got too much greese on their palms and are often busy looking for cash under the table.
The saying “behind every successful man is a woman” was rather vague. American comedian Groucho Marx improvised that saying and came out with a clearer definition: “behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife”. There lies men’s greatest folly - the desire to adopt more women into their lives, as they thought one night stands were just too cruel. But really, it’s not. Marriage is the root of all money problems in a man’s life. Just when you thought why all unmarried men are “eligible bachelors”.
Consider the following financial calculations:
[Click image to enlarge]
One thing this world can live without: another whining. What’s the big issue on toilet seats anyway? You like it down, we like it up. If toilets seats were meant to be down, it would have been specifically designed that way. But it’s not. It’s just one of those obvious lies listed in The Gentleman Checklist (among the other remaining 1,546,224 lists) that usually starts with a pre-existing “Just do it, don’t ask why” condition.
Item 119a: Lower toilet seats before you leave the bathroom.
Toilets were built by men, for men. There wouldn’t be seated toilets if not for women. If women then could just dig some room in the ground by themselves, men would have been twenty folds richer than what they are in the present as they would have discovered gold earlier, and are already in the midst of using uranium for something other than blowing peoples’ heads off.
Moving on…
The co-relation between foreplay time length vs. multiple orgasms in women is like getting onto an ancient Volswagon - longer ignition time with excessive engine noise. The only difference is that foreplay takes longer and you risk falling asleep while serving her your tongue. If you bang her right away, she would hurt. Worse, she starts crying. And that would take another few hours of comforting. And you go on the night without sex. In worse cases, she wants it. But that few hours lost would result in sacrificial of precious sleeping time, followed by poor work performance the next day, which could further result in managers screaming their heads off at you. The end product of the chain reaction could be disastrous (e.g. poor performance review, decreased work morale) all because you wanted to adhere Rule 241 of The Gentleman List: “Do everything you can to satisfy your woman”. Trust me, men. The extra hours ain’t worth it.
The amount of accidents on the road these days is not a result of poor road works and alcohol. It is due to the increase of powerful women (i.e. career women) with more cash to burn. The desire to show men their road skills have pushed them to purchase cars like there ain’t enough polution already in the world. Hey, I’m not being chauvinistic here. To prove I’m not, look at the incredulous women-driver-related accidents below:
[Courtesy of GopherGas]
Imagine you’re driving with your friends passing the scene of the crimes above. I’m quite sure everyone would nod along when you say, “What a stupid fuck! Must have been a woman behind the wheel.” I doubt a word of admiration ever crossed your minds. However, if a 16-year-old dude drove his dad’s Jaguar and crashed into a ditch, things would be different. That dude’s photo and the crash scene would most likely be printed onto Reuter’s Oddly Enough news section and be nominated for the year’s Most Incredible Accident award. But how often does that happen compare to… say, an undecisive woman driver in front of your vehicle, wondering if she should stay on the lane or the next. “Pick a lane. Not a man”, you grunt.
Behold, women! The world’s finest chefs are men. In the present, women are no longer required in the kitchen, with an exception though - dish washing. (In the perfect world without women, dishwasher machines.) You know why? It’s because a proper meal, is no longer a result of reflection and study.
In conclusion, women complicate life. An English poet of the late 18th century Lord Byron once wrote, “All tragedies are finished by a death, All comedies are ended by a marriage.” Really, it’s the end of your life. If you must ask, here’s why:
Women: “What is yours is mine. What is mine is really just mine.”
You think we still need them? Nah… 
